


end call

by yuedemao



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Exes, M/M, Not Cheating, Or Is It?, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuedemao/pseuds/yuedemao
Summary: "It's not okay. Christmas is too cold.""And?""Sharing hot cocoa mugs with you in my dreams doesn't sit right with me."Yanjun laughs."I hate you.""I know."
Relationships: Lin Yanjun/You Zhangjing
Kudos: 11
Collections: Cloud 9 Holiday Drabbles





	end call

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ramenree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramenree/gifts).



> This drabble is just a short phone call that's the Lips-of-an-Angel kind of bad so I apologize in advance. Meow.

Yanjun wakes up with his phone vibrating on the bedside table. He brings the phone closer, squinting at the faint blue light.

Zhangjing.

A chill ran through his body, slow enough to wake his senses up and make him doubt if he should slide his thumb across the screen and answer the call─

Quick enough that he couldn't stop his body from moving, perhaps out of habit.

"Hello. Yanjun."

"Hey."

Both lines went silent. Awkward. Yanjun does not expect it not to be. With an ounce of courage, he asks. "Why did you call?"

"I just─ Merry Christmas."

He checks the clock. It's 2am. It's not even Christmas anymore, but Yanjun isn't an asshole, so he returns the greeting. "You too."

The room was still, and all Yanjun could hear was shallow breathing through his phone's earspeaker.

"I shouldn't have called this late."

"No, it's fine." He sits up and wears his bedroom slip-ons. "I─ I was up."

He sounds exactly like a bad liar, but neither of them says anything about it. He peeks at the bed once more, before quietly slipping out of the room.

"Me, too."

He leaves the door slightly ajar, and after peeking one last time, walks over to the next room. It'll be easier to say he's working on something in his home office, rather than explaining why an old friend suddenly called in the middle of the night. "Are you okay?"

"I have no one to bother but you, you know? Sometimes I can't sleep. And there are things I want to talk about but can't."

Yanjun thinks it isn't fair for Zhangjing to say he has no one, but he knows exactly what he meant. There's no one to bother about tying loose ends but him, so he sits down. "Do you want to─now?"

"I know it's been─ I don't know, months? This is getting─"

A pause.

Yanjun waits.

"Is she there?"

"Yes," he whispers, remembering. It catches him off-guard, being unintentionally reminded. "Next room. She's─sleeping well."

"Couldn't be me."

The joke probably hurt more than it was funny.

"God. I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be." Yanjun is sure he means it. He'll forgive him for anything but Zhangjing has nothing to apologize for.

"I honestly hate how we both know that I have to be sorry and yet─ a part of me isn't."

"I know." He fights a smile and looks up at the ceiling, there's moonlight coming through the window. "Trust me, I know."

"I'm still sorry, alright? I have to say it."

"I understand." He closes his eyes. Zhangjing never lies. Zhangjing could never keep the truth even if it hurts himself and Yanjun wishes he could just take it away without it hurting.

"Yanjun. I still love you."

He said it. Zhangjing said it and suddenly Yanjun wants it to hurt so bad instead of it making him feel good. "It's strange─ your words."

"It's weirder for me. Because I said them."

"No, I─ it's still nice. It shouldn't be, but it is─ hearing it from you."

Zhangjing chuckles, then Yanjun follows suit.

"We're being the worst people right now."

He sighs. "We are." _But does it matter right now?_

"Did we ever move on? Did you?"

"I don't know." Safe answer.

"I'd like to say I tried to, just to pretend I'm half better."

"I miss that." Yanjun switches his desk lamp on to distract himself. If this goes on, he does not know if he could hold back from saying things that would make things more complicated.

"You call me out for being pretentious all the time." Zhangjing corrects himself. "I mean, not anymore."

Yanjun hums in agreement. "Not anymore."

"That's a way to rub salt to the wound, Lin Yanjun."

"Maybe I never meant it." He never did, if he was being honest.

"Maybe."

He hears him shift on the other end of the line, before Zhangjing lets out a deep sigh.

"I want to sleep now."

"Then sleep."

"I'm scared of you being in my dreams."

Yanjun turns the lamp off, and this time he's not stopping his lips from forming a smile. There's nothing but darkness to witness it. "As long as I'm not a zombie chasing you, it's okay."

"It's not okay. Christmas is too cold."

"And?"

"Sharing hot cocoa mugs with you in my dreams doesn't sit right with me."

Yanjun laughs.

"I hate you."

"I know."

"Thank you. You should hate me too."

"We established this the day we broke up."

There was another pause, but the atmosphere was lighter. "I _really_ hate you."

"Sleep now." Zhangjing does not respond. "Pour the hot cocoa on me if it'll make you feel better when you wake up."

"I will. Merry Christmas again."

"It's the 26th."

"What, not used to me being late?"

Yanjun laughs again. It's warm, almost burns. "Merry Christmas, Zhangjing."

"Bye."

Maybe I still love you too. "Bye."

**Author's Note:**

> Is it still cheating if you don't say it back? Lol idk, yes?


End file.
